Nerdy

Have you ever had to create something, and you put so much time into it, but then you came up with this brand new idea that was even better than what you had just created and you tore your old project apart? Do you remember the emotions involved in that? Maybe that doesn't make sense, but I'll explain.

For my Victorian Lit class we're writing research essays about Victorian short stories. My essay is about a children's story from 1874 that I read called "The Shoe-Black." I was writing my essay, and while I liked it, I didn't LOVE it. It's hard for me to turn something in when I don't absolutely love it. But I thought that with some editing I could make it into something good. Well yesterday I had this stroke of genius to change my entire thesis around, which I did. It ended up causing me to change the whole idea of my paper, but I liked this better. However, it required me to kill my original essay. 6 pages of sources, citations, and ideas...all gone. And I felt so bad! This essay was like my child! I had spent a week making this as great as I could. Is that weird that I felt so guilty, even though I think my new paper is better?

Anyway, I stayed up late last night continuing to work on my own version of perfection. Maybe my professor will hate it -- maybe it won't make sense to her. I have a habit of writing like that. But right now on my little white MacBook sits six pages of what I deem to be literary perfection. Well, at least as perfect as my writing is going to get this semester.

Am I a nerd?