Be His Hands

One of my million goals this summer is to read a General Conference talk each day until I finish my May Ensign. I find that, even though I've already heard each talk, by reading them I get a chance to stop and think about what is said, and read the words at my own pace. Today I read President Uchtdorf's talk called "You Are My Hands." If you haven't read it or listened to it yet, please do. Click here for a link to it.

The talk is about using Christ as an example in giving service to and loving others. President Uchtdorf talks about how, "as we emulate His perfect example, our hands become His hands; our eyes, His eyes; our heart, His heart." What better way to look at others than through the eyes and heart of the Savior?

I will be the first to admit that I struggle sometimes with judging others. I'm not a mean person, but sometimes I make quick snap judgments about others, often even after I get to know them. However, after reading this talk, I'm going to learn how to stop doing that. "I hope that we welcome and love all of God’s children, including those who might dress, look, speak, or just do things differently. It is not good to make others feel as though they are deficient. Let us lift those around us. Let us extend a welcoming hand. Let us bestow upon our brothers and sisters in the Church a special measure of humanity, compassion, and charity so that they feel, at long last, they have finally found home." Everyone deserves to be and feel loved. As President Uchtdorf said, "Every person we meet is a VIP to our Heavenly Father." When we understand that, it will be easier to love them.

He shares a story of a woman who describes herself as a $20 bill. Even though throughout her life she has been worn out and beaten down, she is still always going to be worth $20. I love that!

My favorite quote from his whole talk comes at the end. He says, "As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit." Isn't that wonderful? It makes me think of Doctrine and Covenants 81:5, where we are taught to "succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees." In doing so, our own weaknesses will be succored, our hands will lift up, and our knees will be strengthened.

Homesick

"You find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." Samuel Johnson

Just because today I'm feeling homesick for my favorite place in the world, and because I can't believe it was a whole year ago that I was there, I decided to post some of my favorite pictures of my trip.

Classic Phone booth picture

Scotland!

Defying Gravity!

On the cliffs of Cornwall

Meeting Jude Law might have been the highlight of the trip :)

The neighbor across the street from 27 Palace Court

Seeing William, Harry, and the Queen might have been the other highlight :)

Beautiful



Still, the best cupcakes ever

Stourhead. It's gorgeous

Doing baptisms at the London temple was amazing

My second home

Buckingham Palace

Be Still My Soul

My friend shared this song with me last night. I have heard it and sung it a million times, but the words really struck me, especially now.

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Making changes is a wonderful thing. These last few days I've been working really hard, doing things I feel like I need to do. I don't think I've ever relied on Heavenly Father more than I am right now. But with these changes, I have new perspectives on life in various areas. Some of these perspectives are even life-changing. Each day has its hard moments, but by working through them with faith and patience, they get easier.

Christlike Attributes

I love Sundays. Yesterday was a good one. I learned a lot in my lessons, I talked with some great people, and I had lots of time by myself to grow. Right now I feel like I am being stretched by Heavenly Father to the point that I can't take it anymore, but somehow He makes it so that I can. The highlight of yesterday was the nearly 3 hours I spent studying chapter 6 of Preach My Gospel, which is all about developing Christlike attributes. I love this chapter because you don't have to be a missionary to read it and understand. Anyone can develop these attributes. I read over each one, read the wonderful scripture references included, and decided to make goals for myself on how I can improve. Each day this week I am going to work on developing a couple attributes. So today I am going to work on the first two, Faith in Jesus Christ and Hope.

I've learned that faith takes work. This past weekend I felt like I received some powerful revelation, and while I felt very good and happy when I received it, yesterday I started to doubt. That isn't faith. Faith is having confidence in the Lord, in trusting and believing the revelation we receive, and never doubting. In his talk, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence," Jeffrey R. Holland says that Heavenly Father will not give us revelation and then take it away. If it was right when we received it, it is still right now. "If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you." Just like fear, doubt is the opposite of faith. Preach My Gospel says that faith leads to action. This means that if there is something I have faith that I can achieve, I am going to work hard for it, which I am doing right now. The Bible Dictionary says, "Where there is faith, there are miracles." I believe that.

Hope goes with faith, and it is one of my favorite attributes. The book says that "Hope helps you conquer discouragement," which is something I deal with from time to time right now. Hope is trusting in God's promises. I had an experience this last week where in a blessing I received I was given a promise that I was also given in my Patriarchal blessing, practically word for word. Heavenly Father and I have discussed in numerous prayers what this promise is, and I know that He is keeping his word about me receiving it as long as I do my part, which is trusting Him and making changes. Romans 8:24-25 says that hope can only happen when the outcome is NOT seen, and that patience is required for the outcome to take place. If we already know the outcome of something, what is there to hope and trust in the Lord for?

Studying this chapter is really giving me a greater desire to become like the Savior. Yesterday I made a list of goals that I am working towards that will help me become more like Him. And with faith and hope, I know they can be achieved.

Blessings

Today I want to write about the amazing power of blessings. I admit that sometimes I'm scared to or I forget to ask for them when I need it. Last night I was eating frozen yogurt with my good friend Natalie, and she asked me if her husband Trent could give me one. I said yes instantly. And the blessing he gave me was wonderful. He told me that Heavenly Father is acutely aware of me, and my desires, needs, and inner struggles. This was what I needed to hear. Since that blessing I've of course had a few hard minutes, but then I remember the blessing and it helps. I love knowing that, no matter who gives it, it is Heavenly Father speaking directly to us.

I'm also learning to move forward, as hard as it may be. I'm learning to really trust in Heavenly Father, and that He knows where I'm supposed to be. I told Natalie last night that right now it's hard for me to plan my future, but I'm going to go forward one day at a time, and I will tell Heavenly Father to put me where He wants me to be. Where that is I don't know. I have my own personal hopes as to where it will be, but whether those hopes align with Heavenly Father's plan, I'm not sure. I just have to be patient and find out.

This morning I listened to a Conference talk by President Monson titled, "Looking Back and Moving Forward." In it he said:

"Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea 'Is there no balm in Gilead?' We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face."

I firmly believe that, even if it is sometimes hard. But again blessings are a wonderful thing if you feel doubt, alone, or heartbroken. Healing takes time, but knowing Heavenly Father is still there can help put the puzzle pieces back together.

Positivity

I changed the name of my blog, mainly because being positive is something I need to work on right now. Life is somewhat difficult, but being able to look to the future with a positive heart and mindset is a goal of mine.

Right now I'm working on making some changes in my life. One of them is letting people in. I have always had a hard time trusting people, especially when it comes to sharing with them my feelings. I've had something happen that has turned my world upside-down, and it's been really difficult for me. So even though I'm still dealing with the pain that comes from the aftermath, I'm doing something that before was very hard for me. I'm letting people in. My mom told me I need to stop relying only on myself to get through this, but I need to let other people love me, too. So today at work I told my boss, and she cried with me. My wonderful brother sent me flowers. A friend of mine invited me to yoga tonight, and told me I could just come be with her so I don't have to feel alone. I ran into my good friend on campus, and he sent me a text message later that said, "Hey! Remember there sure are a lot of people that love you!" It made my day because this morning I really was feeling alone.

Right now I'm digging deep inside of myself to find out who Alexa really is. It takes a lot of strength, tears, and courage, but with positive thinking I am able to do it. I'm reading a book right now called Mind OS, and it teaches that nothing comes from passive or destructive thoughts. So whenever a negative thought comes my way, I push it out with a positive one. I've learned to forgive myself for things I've done, and it has helped a lot. Finally, after a few days of a broken heart (although that one will take a bit longer to mend than just a few days), lots of tears and pleadings to Heavenly Father, I'm slowly but surely moving on. And thank you to everyone who has played a part in helping me do that. The phase I'm in right now makes me think of the song "Moving On" By Rascal Flatts. Now, that song is about someone who regrets their past, which I don't. But I like this phrase:

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me.

I'm moving forward, slowly, with one foot in front of the other, and as I make my personal changes I know I will be led to where I'm supposed to be. I'm trusting.

Summer Time and the Living is Easy...

School's out for the summer, and I'm excited! It's nice to not have to worry about homework and exams and classes, even though I admit last semester I really enjoyed it, because I loved my classes. But from now until the end of August, I'll be working full time here in the Dean's office (I'm SO lucky to be able to have a full-time job that I like!), enjoying the Provo sunshine (if it decides to stick around. So far the track record has been very unpredictable).

This past Sunday was a good one. I love my ward, and things are great. My apartment is fantastic! I only have one other roommate instead of three, so we each have our own rooms and bathrooms. It's so great! I'm in the process of decorating my bathroom, because now I can do it how I want, and not have to worry about other people's opinions. I'm thinking about going the route of this season's Pottery Barn collection, which is very beachy. And my roommate is super cute! But anyway, this Sunday I was first asked to give a talk this next week about mothers, and I was called to be secretary in the Relief Society presidency, which I am so excited about. The girls I will get to work with are so nice, and I can tell this presidency really has a concern for each of the girls, so I'm happy to be a part of it, and I'm excited to get to work!

My goals this summer are to read, read, and read some more. I love to read in the summer. I'm planning on doing lots of it. I'm also going to work on building up confidence in myself. This past year there were a few times I lost it. I had to deal with some tough decisions, people, and issues, and it caused me to look down on myself. But not anymore! My fabulous mother is helping me out by sending me some great talks by General Authorities each day to help me. And I've had some experiences in the past few weeks that helped me realize that I am loved!

But to keep me on track, here are some goals I have for the summer to get myself into the best possible shape I can be.

1. Read each book on my Victorian literature list
2. Exercise at least 3 days a week
3. Go to the temple each week (if you are going and don't want to go by yourself, let me know!)
4. Eat healthy. More fruit!!
5. Be the best possible RS secretary I can be. I want to work hard
6. Save my money. No more Forever 21 sprees.
7. Make time for myself each day to sit and think.
8. Make personal prayer and scripture study a priority. I'm doing okay, but there's always room for improvement.
9. Write in my journal. I'm almost done with my seventh one!
10. Do some kind of service each day. It's been said over and over than when you're putting someone else first, your life becomes happier.
11. Continue to live by the quote, "People who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind." Comparing myself to others is not going to get me anywhere. Judging others won't either. I know I've been judged a lot in my life, and that's something I want to be less sensitive about. Because the people who judge me don't matter. The people who know and love me know my good qualities and also my flaws, and they know that I try my hardest each day to be the best possible person I can be.

So there's the list. I'm a very goal-oriented person, so I've made up my mind to do each one of these as best as I can. Wish me luck!

Smile

"Smile,

tho' your heart is aching

Smile,

even tho' it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky,

you'll get by

If you smile

through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through

for you.

Light up your face with gladness

Hide ev'ry trace of sadness

Although a tear may be

ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile,

what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

if you just

Smile."

Charlie Chaplin