Dear 16-Year-Old Me

I know summer is coming to a close, but I found this video today, and I thought it would be important to share. My family has a history of melanoma (my aunt was diagnosed with it when she was in her early 20s), and because we have a fair skin and blonde hair background, avoiding harmful tanning beds and rays is important. I have friends who bake in tanning beds on a regular basis, and people, it's just not healthy! Not only do you end up looking like Snooki and age faster than you should, not being smart about these tanning beds (or "death" beds as a dermatologist I know calls them) can even result in painful surgeries and death. Please be smart, and know that this is not a "girls only" disease. Guys like to tan, too! Share this with any teenagers and young adults you know, and let's be safe together.

As for me, I'm a fan of Jergens Daily Glow line. Use it 3 times a week and you have a natural-looking, NON-ORANGE, UVA/UVB rays-free tan.

Killin' It with Kisses

Florence and the Machine had it right. I'm kicking those dog days out of here. I feel like life is giving me lemons to make lemonade, and I get really excited about it, but then those lemons turn out to be sour. Not so good for lemonade. So what's a girl to do?

I've been thinking about this on this 2AM Thursday morning. I'm exhausted, but can't seem to sleep. The earplugs and eye mask are not working at the moment, although they usually knock me right out. So that only means one thing: it's time to write! About what, who knows? My Women's Lit professor told us that sometimes, when we don't think we know what to write about, our best thoughts spill out anyway. So maybe I should try that and see what happens. If none of this makes sense, I'm sorry. 2AM Alexa is usually a little bit loopy.

Today started out as a great day. Cute outfit, good hair, warm weather, the whole shebang. However, it slowly but surely fell apart. That killer job I applied for? Oh yeah, they loved my resumé, thought I was perfectly qualified, and knew I would do a great job, but they filled the position yesterday, before they even got around to looking at my resumé. A couple of other things fell apart, too. It seems totally appropriate that, as I was driving home from campus and near tears, the clouds opened up and my newly-washed car was poured on.

I of course listened to my favorite talk by President Uchtdorf, "Continue in Patience." This talk has gotten me through so much, especially when I feel like I've been patient for long enough. My favorite quote from this talk is: "There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

So that's the solution. I've got to keep going. I'm going to let those dog days of feeling like nothing is going well for me die. Florence puts it so well: "Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back." I need to keep actively waiting for whatever it is that's coming for me, because I want to feel that bullet! (That sounds awful but let's think figuratively here).

So there's my word vomit for the night. Hopefully this means that I can sleep! Good night, my lovely readers. And to finish with a great picture for the day. It makes me want to garden:

A Stroke of Genius

My wisdom for the day: Sometimes things don't work out the way you plan on them working. Sometimes they just might be better. I'll keep ya'll posted.

Love,

Lex

Lessons in Life Are Gonna Show You in Time

I feel like I've fallen off a few horses lately, and this week my daddy told me not to cry. :) So I dedicate this song to him and to those cowgirls who feel like life won't ever get better. When you fall, just get back up again.

Reflection

With Christmas and New Year's coming and being home over the break, I don't know how much blogging I'm going to be doing in the next couple weeks. So until 2011 gets here and I get back to Provo and back into the swing of a new semester, I'm going to reflect now on some things I learned during2010. If I had to find one word that defined 2010 for me, I think it would be "Growth." I've definitely done a lot of that this year, in lots of ways. So without further ado, here's a list to round out my 2010. Merry Christmas, and I hope you all have a happy holiday season! See you in 2011.

1. Maria von Trapp said it once, and I'll say it again. "When God closes a door, He opens a window." And sometimes, He even breaks a whole wall down just in case you're being stubborn and aren't able to feel the breeze coming in from said window.

2. It's okay to be silly. Did I play innertube waterpolo this year? Yes. Did we look like idiots? Yes. Was it so fun anyway? YES. Ward Halloween party. Did I fall at Classic Skating? Yes. Did we take silly pictures? Yes. I've done silly things this year, but I've learned it's fun to let go and act like a little kid sometimes, no matter how old you are.

3. Write things down. I've been an avid journal since I was 8, because writing is therapeutic for me. But I learned this year that writing is a great way for me to vent about how I'm feeling instead of getting angry over little things that in the long run won't even matter.

4. Taylor Swift has a song to go with every minute of my life. And after listening, I always feel better.

5. Family will always be there for you. During a rough summer and challenging semester, my family was always there whenever I needed them. I love that, even though we're all getting older, we can still be silly together. Hence the picture below.

6. Make everyone's day better. I saw so many people do this for me this year, and maybe they didn't even know it. My goal is to make sure that, after someone talks to me, they feel better about themselves. I want to be a light in people's lives.

7. Take time to take a break. One of my favorite parts about this year was going to visit my favorite family in Texas. I took two days off from school, and I played with 4 little kids. And it was just what I needed.

8. Make friends with everyone. This year I've been blessed to live in a wonderful ward, and I've made lots of friends. I've also rekindled friendships with old friends, too. Having a variety of people to go to makes life so much better!

9. Appreciate the things you have in your life, because before you know it they can disappear.

10. Don't change who you are for anyone or anything. I've learned this semester that if someone doesn't appreciate you for what you are or what you bring to the table, it's possible to surround yourself with people who do.

11. Most importantly, remember that things will always work out for you. One of my favorite talks this year was the one by President Uchtdorf, called, "Continue in Patience." It constantly reminds me that, as long as I'm doing the things I should be doing and waiting patiently with faith, Heavenly Father will take care of me.

Thank you, airport stranger

So, I'm doing this 10-Day challenge that the Women's Resources Center at BYU is putting on. Basically, each day, they give you some sort of challenge, whether it's listing 10 things you love about yourself, doing fun exercising, or not judging yourself or others, to help women become more confident with themselves and their bodies. I think it's a great idea! My friend Rachel is doing it as well, and she's been awesome about writing her experiences down. Read about them here. It's been a good experience for me to really know that we're all beautiful in different ways.

Which brings me to my story. Yesterday I flew home from my wonderful trip to Texas (more on that later with cute pictures of cute kids), and I had a 2 hour layover in Denver. So I got something to eat and sat at my gate. There was a plane at the same gate taking off to Detroit before my flight to Salt Lake City, so a group of people was sitting around me. I had my laptop open with my headphones in, not really paying attention to what was going on around me. The passengers for the Detroit flight were told to line up to board, so the people around me started to get up and walk past me to get in line. As they did, this guy, probably somewhere around my age, walked up to me and tapped the top of my computer. I took my headphones out to hear whatever he was going to say. And he says, "I just wanted to let you know you're very beautiful." And then he walked through the gate to get onto the plane. I was shocked! But can I tell you something? I'm pretty sure I had the biggest grin on my face until I boarded my plane. I'll never see this kid again, but he made my (very tired, crazy curly hair, flip-flopped feet) day.

Why can't we all be like that? If we all were to tell someone each day that they are beautiful or handsome, and sincerely mean it, I think the confidence level of the world would increase. So that's my story. Thanks for boosting my confidence, airport stranger!

Maggie

My dog Maggie passed away this week. She's been in my family for more than half my life, and finding out that she died was like finding out I'd lost a sibling, because in essence, that's what she was. She was the 5th Justesen child. Maggie had been sick for a while, and the vet said it would be easier to put her to sleep rather than wait for her to die because that way she wouldn't have to suffer as much. When my dad called last night to let me know, I cried and cried. And I haven't cried in a while, so I had a lot to let out. But because she's been a part of my family for 13 years, I decided I needed to give her a little photo tribute. Maggie was the best dog in the world. She fit into our family perfectly, and most of my memories of growing up involve her in some way, whether it was being angry at her for chewing up my socks or taking a nap next to her on the floor. Maggie had a knack for knowing when someone in the family was sad and just needed a buddy. I have many memories of her just coming and putting her head on my lap. Every good thing you hear about dogs, Maggie was it. Rest in peace, Maggie. I love you.

"A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his." John Grogan

"Such short little lives our pets have to spend with us, and they spend most of it waiting for us to come home each day. It is amazing how much love and laughter they bring into our lives and even how much closer we become with each other because of them." John Grogan

The poor dog, in life the firmest friend,
"The first to welcome, foremost to defend." Lord Byron

"His ears were often the first thing to catch my tears." Elizabeth Barrett Browning, referring to her cocker spaniel, Flush

"A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself." Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)

"A person can learn a lot from a dog, even a loopy one like ours. Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things-a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty." John Grogan

Life as I Know It

100th post!! To celebrate, I am giving you the next 20 seconds to dance around the room. Ready...Go! 20...19...18...17...16...15...14...13...12...11...10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1... Satisfied? I am. Nothing beats a sporadic dance party. And pardon my hyperness. A Coke at 10:30am will do that to me.

But anyway, let's discuss Senior year. I am, and will be for the next 8 months, a college Senior. Crazy? Yes. Do I feel ready for it? No. Do I have a choice? No. Well, I guess I do, but...I made it this far, and I'm making it to the end! Here's a kickback of my life since school started a week and a half ago. First, roommates are wonderful. Ashley and Kelsey, who knows if you read this, but you two are great. I'm looking forward to getting to know you both better! My own room? The best. Washer and dryer in the apartment? Trust me folks, once you get one, you never want to go back. Ward? HUGE! Yes, the ratio of girls to guys isn't exactly in my favor, but it's still great nonetheless. I've met lots of friendly people.

The week has been filled with delicious BBQs, movies, bonfires that ended up not being bonfires, football games, fun dates, old friends, new friends, in-between friends, and ice cream pie. Oh yeah, and school. How could I forget? I can tell that it's going to be a high-stress semester. Hours of my days are filled reading about Plato's theory of mimetic criticism, recognizing the difference between primal auxiliary verbs and modal auxiliary verbs, and giggling over Shakespeare's comedies. But I'm not going to stress. Well, that's a lie, but I'm not going to let myself do it right now. That'll come later when I sink back into the habit of having class every day and not just work.

Which brings me to the best part of the end of summer: this little guy. To my sadness, GoPhone and ancient iPod Nano broke in the same week and neither could be fixed. Coincidence? Who knows. Maybe. But because I needed music and a phone and a planner and a camera, I caved. And I love it. I've been made fun of from time to time because I love my paper planners, which I still do and always will, but I have to admit using iCal on this guy is kind of the best thing ever. I like having my life organized when I have a zillion things going on, and this sure does it for me. Steve Jobs and the guys at Apple are geniuses. But because of this little guy, no more shopping for a while.

So that's life as I know it right now. Kind of fun, kind of hard, but generally good. Isn't it great how, even when you think nothing is ever going to work out in your favor, eventually it starts to?

A Weekend Full of Growing Up

So, last night while taking a break from my solo dance party, I promised to discuss my life. Get ready for an avalanche. What a wonderful weekend! It was one of those weekends where I learned tons about myself, people, and the gospel. On Friday night I stayed with my fantastic friend Jenni. We kidnapped our friend Lisa Ann and went to Outback, where we shared a steak, mango pomegranate lemonade, and TILAPIA! Yes Mom, after years of turning my nose up at it, I ate Tilapia. My new resolution is to be brave. And it wasn't too bad! No fishy taste at all. After dinner, we got ourselves a Coke (essential), some candy, and a movie. Sometimes nights like that are just what I need.

On Saturday morning I drove Jenni to the airport. We talked the entire way up about life, choices, the gospel, etc. Is it funny that I thrive off of discussions like that? Because I do. Being around good people who understand makes a huge difference. We talked about wanting to be an influence in the lives of others. In my morning prayers, I've started asking Heavenly Father to put me where He needs me. I ask Him to let me help someone each day. Some days I see where that happens, other days I don't, and I just hope I was able to make someone's day without knowing it.

Afterward, I went to my friend Cailey's, which was followed by a day at the mall to celebrate our friend Miriam's 21st birthday (after years of searching I found the perfect pair of Aviators. For $3). We saw "Eat, Pray, Love," which I've been dying to see because I really enjoyed the book. It was well done, but proves once again that the book is always better than the movie. If you've read the book or seen the movie, you understand the significance of my new blog title. I like the symbolism behind it. And someday I am going to Bali.

Sunday was what I would call a "girl's day." We went to church, followed by a delicious dinner full of pasta, laughter, and some boy stories that had happened the previous night for some of the girls. Oh, and who knew that whipped cream tastes fantastic on watermelon? After this, I was invited to my friend's apartment, and he and his wife made me a delicious second dinner! When I came back to Cailey's we listened to some Michael Buble. You just can't beat those lyrics and that voice. :)

Yesterday I became an adult and did some hard things. Moving into my new place by myself, getting the water/gas/electricity set up, and doing some other things made me feel like I can handle anything. I was little Miss Independent yesterday. I had some very heavy boxes in my car that I couldn't lift, and after searching for some help and not finding it, I decided to try it myself. Well, I failed at that part because I almost killed my back trying to lift them. So those will have to wait. But at least I tried, right? No giving up here!

Tonight through Thursday I'm going to be taking some Education Week classes, all by myself. And I'm so excited! The classes I'm attending are going to teach me so much. Just tonight I'm going to learn how to be a confident woman, how to draw closer to the Lord through service, and how to prepare for personal revelation. And I still have tomorrow and Thursday classes to look forward to! I'm sure there will be a post soon about what I've learned. But that's been my weekend. There's a lot more I could share about things I've learned and discovered, but that'll remain with me. If you want to know, just ask. ;)

Dance

I had a revelation tonight. Sometimes impromptu dance parties when you're all by yourself unpacking can be the best thing ever. Especially because today I'm celebrating my ascension into adulthood. Yes, by age I entered into adulthood 3 years ago, but I did some hard things today that made me feel grown up. More on that later. Until then I'm going to dance my heart out to some B.o.B. "Magic." Great song. :)

Friends

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh


"Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry. I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you." Charlie Brown to Snoopy


"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are."


"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

I have been blessed with some amazing friends, who are more than willing to step up to the plate and go the extra mile when I need them most. This is just a little post to say thank you to those of you who have reached out to me, whether in a small or big way. None of them go unnoticed. I love you all! :)

Fall

I love Fall, and I'm excited for it to get here. There's something about a new apartment, a new ward, new classes, and new people that gets me excited. I just like the fresh start! (This would most likely explain why I love January 1, Mondays, and the first day of school. It's a chance to start over and do better. And I'm all about self-improvement!) So in honor of school starting in 27 days and moving into a new place in two weeks, I made myself some goals. I figured if I posted them here, and if you know me and I'm failing at them, you can keep me in check. :)

1. Say prayers morning and night on knees (I fail at this one)
2. Read the Scriptures every day
3. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week
4. Go to Institute each week (I'm sad that I finished all my religion classes)
5. Go to the temple once a week (I've been doing this all summer and it has made the biggest difference in my life!)
6. Go to all ward/stake activities
7. Create a budget/saving plan for myself
8. Always look my best! (Cheesy, yes, but I'm a firm believer that when you feel like you look your best, you really do feel good)
9. Do visiting teaching every month and go the extra mile (we had a lesson in Relief Society this Sunday about visiting teaching, and it inspired me to do better)
10. Become a better tithing payer
11. Find ways to constantly serve others ("The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Gandhi)
12. Read/listen to a General Conference talk each day (the inspiration for that idea came from here)
13. Go to or at least watch Devotional every week
14. Fast meaningfully each month
15. Make bed each day (I struggle)
16. Keep room clean (everything I own has a proper place, but they just don't stay in that proper place)
17. Actually STUDY in the library (I'm a people-watcher and don't get much done there)
18. Write in journal often

There we go. My biggest goal is to actually do all of my goals!

Hardships

Have you ever felt like you've been hit with one trial after another, and you're left feeling like you just can't do it anymore? That's how I've felt these past couple of weeks. One challenge came, followed by another, followed by another. None of these challenges had anything to do with the other one, but they all seemed to want to come at the same time and knock me down. And I was left feeling very alone, like the sun wasn't ever going to shine on me again. But then, as He always does, Heavenly Father gave me some help. I came across a quote by President Hinckley, just when I needed it most, that says, "I too believe that God will always make a way where there is no way. I believe that if we will walk in obedience to the commandments of God, if we will follow the counsel of the priesthood, he will open a way even where there appears to be no way." And so far, He has. Even though I'm still dealing with many challenges, and I will be for a while, and the sun hasn't fully come out yet, He's giving me some rays, I think as a symbol that it's on its way. Slowly but surely, the clouds are clearing.

Yesterday I was able to attend the ward that I'll be in in the Fall, and I was surrounded by so many friendly people. It was a ray sent out by Heavenly Father. A wonderful friend of mine (you know who you are honay :), who recently went through a similar challenge, called me and gave me some uplifting advice. Another ray. Another great friend of mine did some wonders with my hair, boosting my confidence (I'm a girl. Good hair does that to you :). One more ray. I was able to find a place to live that I thought would be impossible to get into. Just one more ray. I've had family members, both immediate and extended, including very close family friends, who have reached out in amazing ways. The rays keep breaking through, and it's incredible. My testimony has increased so much. Putting your life in the Lord's hands is hard, and it's definitely taken a hit on my pride because I like to feel in control of myself, but it's what I'm trying to do.

In my Relief Society yesterday, we read this quote by Ezra Taft Benson. "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love for the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities." I really believe that. Putting the Lord first is a challenge, but I think it's supposed to be. By doing so we increase our faith. And it really is happening. Things are starting to fall into place for me. The sun eventually comes out, and it's getting there for me. The challenges are still there, and will be for a while, but the Lord gives us help.

A Day in the Life

A typical day at work: I got to watch from my office as Y mountain caught fire, and as it was put out (I'm lucky and have a great view). Scary, but slightly fascinating. Also, I just have one question. My office faces a glass door and windows, and I just want to know why people (men and women) stare at me as they walk by. Why? I know it isn't for my good looks! :) Do they not realize I can see them? It just weirds me out. That's all.

What to Do With Boredom?

Today and tomorrow at work I am completely alone. Everyone is gone, and basically I get to come in and baby-sit the office. Because there isn't anything to do for eight hours, I asked my mom for ideas of things I could work on to pass the time. And she gave me a great idea. She told me to go to Michael's or Deseret Book tonight and find things that I can make for my future children, such as baby blankets or quiet books. She did the same thing when she was my age and she worked in the summer, and she finished them and put them aside until she had children.

So on day 1 of being alone in the office, I've been thinking about my future children. When and where they'll come I have no idea, but I like to think that they'll be cute. :) How many? No idea. But my mom always tells me they're on the other side rooting for me, which I like to think about. So while I've been thinking about them, I've been planning things to make for them. I'm not a crafty person at all, but the thought of giving them a blanket or a game that I made for them makes me happy. So starting today I'm going to stop being bored and start making things for these little kids. Is it weird that, even though I don't know them, I love them already? I can't wait to be a mom. :)

Blessings

Today I want to write about the amazing power of blessings. I admit that sometimes I'm scared to or I forget to ask for them when I need it. Last night I was eating frozen yogurt with my good friend Natalie, and she asked me if her husband Trent could give me one. I said yes instantly. And the blessing he gave me was wonderful. He told me that Heavenly Father is acutely aware of me, and my desires, needs, and inner struggles. This was what I needed to hear. Since that blessing I've of course had a few hard minutes, but then I remember the blessing and it helps. I love knowing that, no matter who gives it, it is Heavenly Father speaking directly to us.

I'm also learning to move forward, as hard as it may be. I'm learning to really trust in Heavenly Father, and that He knows where I'm supposed to be. I told Natalie last night that right now it's hard for me to plan my future, but I'm going to go forward one day at a time, and I will tell Heavenly Father to put me where He wants me to be. Where that is I don't know. I have my own personal hopes as to where it will be, but whether those hopes align with Heavenly Father's plan, I'm not sure. I just have to be patient and find out.

This morning I listened to a Conference talk by President Monson titled, "Looking Back and Moving Forward." In it he said:

"Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order to be tested, we must sometimes face challenges and difficulties. At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea 'Is there no balm in Gilead?' We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face."

I firmly believe that, even if it is sometimes hard. But again blessings are a wonderful thing if you feel doubt, alone, or heartbroken. Healing takes time, but knowing Heavenly Father is still there can help put the puzzle pieces back together.

Positivity

I changed the name of my blog, mainly because being positive is something I need to work on right now. Life is somewhat difficult, but being able to look to the future with a positive heart and mindset is a goal of mine.

Right now I'm working on making some changes in my life. One of them is letting people in. I have always had a hard time trusting people, especially when it comes to sharing with them my feelings. I've had something happen that has turned my world upside-down, and it's been really difficult for me. So even though I'm still dealing with the pain that comes from the aftermath, I'm doing something that before was very hard for me. I'm letting people in. My mom told me I need to stop relying only on myself to get through this, but I need to let other people love me, too. So today at work I told my boss, and she cried with me. My wonderful brother sent me flowers. A friend of mine invited me to yoga tonight, and told me I could just come be with her so I don't have to feel alone. I ran into my good friend on campus, and he sent me a text message later that said, "Hey! Remember there sure are a lot of people that love you!" It made my day because this morning I really was feeling alone.

Right now I'm digging deep inside of myself to find out who Alexa really is. It takes a lot of strength, tears, and courage, but with positive thinking I am able to do it. I'm reading a book right now called Mind OS, and it teaches that nothing comes from passive or destructive thoughts. So whenever a negative thought comes my way, I push it out with a positive one. I've learned to forgive myself for things I've done, and it has helped a lot. Finally, after a few days of a broken heart (although that one will take a bit longer to mend than just a few days), lots of tears and pleadings to Heavenly Father, I'm slowly but surely moving on. And thank you to everyone who has played a part in helping me do that. The phase I'm in right now makes me think of the song "Moving On" By Rascal Flatts. Now, that song is about someone who regrets their past, which I don't. But I like this phrase:

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me.

I'm moving forward, slowly, with one foot in front of the other, and as I make my personal changes I know I will be led to where I'm supposed to be. I'm trusting.

Summer Time and the Living is Easy...

School's out for the summer, and I'm excited! It's nice to not have to worry about homework and exams and classes, even though I admit last semester I really enjoyed it, because I loved my classes. But from now until the end of August, I'll be working full time here in the Dean's office (I'm SO lucky to be able to have a full-time job that I like!), enjoying the Provo sunshine (if it decides to stick around. So far the track record has been very unpredictable).

This past Sunday was a good one. I love my ward, and things are great. My apartment is fantastic! I only have one other roommate instead of three, so we each have our own rooms and bathrooms. It's so great! I'm in the process of decorating my bathroom, because now I can do it how I want, and not have to worry about other people's opinions. I'm thinking about going the route of this season's Pottery Barn collection, which is very beachy. And my roommate is super cute! But anyway, this Sunday I was first asked to give a talk this next week about mothers, and I was called to be secretary in the Relief Society presidency, which I am so excited about. The girls I will get to work with are so nice, and I can tell this presidency really has a concern for each of the girls, so I'm happy to be a part of it, and I'm excited to get to work!

My goals this summer are to read, read, and read some more. I love to read in the summer. I'm planning on doing lots of it. I'm also going to work on building up confidence in myself. This past year there were a few times I lost it. I had to deal with some tough decisions, people, and issues, and it caused me to look down on myself. But not anymore! My fabulous mother is helping me out by sending me some great talks by General Authorities each day to help me. And I've had some experiences in the past few weeks that helped me realize that I am loved!

But to keep me on track, here are some goals I have for the summer to get myself into the best possible shape I can be.

1. Read each book on my Victorian literature list
2. Exercise at least 3 days a week
3. Go to the temple each week (if you are going and don't want to go by yourself, let me know!)
4. Eat healthy. More fruit!!
5. Be the best possible RS secretary I can be. I want to work hard
6. Save my money. No more Forever 21 sprees.
7. Make time for myself each day to sit and think.
8. Make personal prayer and scripture study a priority. I'm doing okay, but there's always room for improvement.
9. Write in my journal. I'm almost done with my seventh one!
10. Do some kind of service each day. It's been said over and over than when you're putting someone else first, your life becomes happier.
11. Continue to live by the quote, "People who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind." Comparing myself to others is not going to get me anywhere. Judging others won't either. I know I've been judged a lot in my life, and that's something I want to be less sensitive about. Because the people who judge me don't matter. The people who know and love me know my good qualities and also my flaws, and they know that I try my hardest each day to be the best possible person I can be.

So there's the list. I'm a very goal-oriented person, so I've made up my mind to do each one of these as best as I can. Wish me luck!

Skool

I have two finals left, and then I'm done for the summer! Finally, I'll have time to read some of the books on my Top 100 list just for FUN. But can you believe that I'll be a Senior? This Friday I'm working at graduation for the Humanities college. In a year, I'll be one of those students. Just a little freaky, but a little exciting, too. :)

Just a Mother

The other day I was having a discussion with a friend about what success is. To my friend, success is achieving awards, having a well-paying career, and having her name put on something. I can completely understand that. Receiving credit for hard work is definitely wonderful. However, I've always had a different idea of success, at least for me personally, that I feel to some degree is looked down on and not as respected as I think it should be.

I have always wanted to be a mom. That has been a dream of mine ever since I was little and collected baby dolls. I've also always wanted to stay at home with my kids. My mom hasn't worked a day in her life since my oldest brother was born (and when I say "worked" I mean she hasn't been paid for it, because she definitely works!), and that was a huge blessing to my family. Having my mom there all the time is something that really helped me growing up. Granted, my dad is blessed to have the kind of job he has so that my mom doesn't have to work, but that was important to both of them and my dad worked hard so she could do so. And when I look at my mother, I see the epitome of success. No, she doesn't have accolades, awards, or a successful career, but she has four wonderful children, she is looked at as an example by other women, and she is extremely well-educated, among many other talents and abilities she has.

However, I get the feeling, especially here at BYU (where you would think that one would be comfortable saying they want to stay at home), that being a stay-at-home mother isn't good enough. I am often asked what I would like to do for a career after I finish school, and I say that if the opportunity is given to me I would like to stay at home with my children, and if that doesn't happen I want to be a book editor. I often receive the comment back, "You want to be just a mom?" And to be honest, that hurts. A lot. I have never looked at my mother and said, "she is JUST a mom." My mother is BYU educated, is continually involved in the community working with charities and schools, and she was there for us all day, every day, and yet she is "just" a mom? I disagree completely with that. And my mother isn't the only mother like that. I know there are plenty of talented women who stay at home to be with their children.

Anyway, that is just my opinion. I have friends who want to have careers, and that's completely fine! If you want to have a career and have the brains and opportunity to do it, by all means, do. I am all for having some good women in the workforce! All that I'm saying is, please, don't belittle those women here at BYU who would like to stay home with their kids if they are able to. To me, there is nothing unsuccessful about being "just" a mother.